It’s now six weeks into the semester and already I have started to think ‘why stay at university?’ Feelings of inadequacy in what I’m doing, both work and uni, the sense of loss and even feeling left behind when it comes to what I would normally do before I started university.
The last two years have on one hand flown by, the teaching semesters coming to an end just after they’ve started and deadlines coming up faster than it feels possible. On the other hand however it feels like I’ve stood still or gone backwards. University has been, and will continue to be, a large commitment in not only time but also energy. Physically and mentally.
Lately this has not only left me feeling drained, but has started to effect my memory. Whole days just seem to disappear and I don’t remember a thing from them.
This comes from, I suspect, a combination of various factors:
- Freshers flu, ugh sickness going around.This year seems particularly bad as I’ve been ill more than once within the last couple of months.
- Money, that lack of feeling of having a regular disposable income instead where currently each months pay-check covers only living costs.
- The move from a working environment to an academic one (this can be a big one, it took me the entire first semester of my first year to adjust).
- Dealing with many new people (I’m not naturally a social person, as I’m sure many can contest to).
- Making too many commitments and over-stretching myself, president of two societies, course rep, and a number of other commitments have led me to expending energy that could otherwise be put towards my studies.
- The lack of certainty around my fiancé’s visa is causing me a lot of concern, particularly as by the time we’ll know more on if we can stay in the UK or not will be end of April at the earlier. This affects applications for scholarships/grants as I don’t want to commit to accepting a place at university within the UK without that certainty of knowing first.
Not forgetting of course the module assessments and my major project. The module assessments I’m not too nervous about, the major project has me nervous enough that I’ve even thought of dropping out of uni!
We’re also coming up to the winter months, and as usual my mood is starting to fall. This year I really should invest in one of those special lamps for SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).
Good news is, I know that I’m not alone. Bad news is, I tend not to discuss my problems…